This one is a TOUGHIE.

So it is CD 28 and I have gotten 2 BFNs this week. I know that it is impossible to know if I am late…or to early to test ya ya ya (see post below…I didn’t chart this month…stoopid me) but this cycle has been the hardest since we have started our TTC journey. Since we decided to go off BCP we have always had the cruise to look forward to, so we were not to bent outta shape when it wasn’t happening. (And actually..we had a blast. I'm sure we would have even if I had been KTFU…we just had a different..more reckless kinda fun) But now, this is ALL we want. When we first started trying all I could think about was being pregnant, and because I am stubborn as all get out, I was SURE it was not going to take us long AT ALL. I was envisioning having a belly at Christmas, making Christmas lists (our families are SO anal about lists. Seriously we start ours at Halloween) and surprising family members with our news around the Holidays. I know it isn’t over yet, and with my cycles, IF it works next cycles I will be 6 weeks at Christmas, which could be just as fun. So now, as I'm perfecting our lists and making plans for holiday dinners all I can think of is realizing it really is going to be this hard for us. And it is just crushing me. DH is starting to get frustrated as well, its dis-heartening.

AND…I am so sick of people telling us it isn’t happening because we THINK about it to much. SERIOUSLY?! No, it’s not happening because one month I ovulate on CD 11 and the next CD 21. How do you plan for that? So here we go with cycle 7. Lucky # 7…except 6 is my lucky number. BAH! I am planning on starting with OPKs this month. As well as switching from the generic to the real pre-seed. Let’s see where we end up.

My inner BOTB is pissed at me!

So this month, my CD 1 began about 2 hours after I set foot upon my first cruise ship. (Royal Caribbean-Liberty of the Seas…BEAUTIFUL) I had packed my BBT with every determination set to continue my good temping habits and noting my temps to complete my chart when DH and I returned. However, when AF arrived all of that went out the window. The dirty slore was 5 days “early” and I was not a happy camper.

Fast Forward 7 days and AF had come and left, and we were setting foot back in Miami. I decided to go ahead and just let this cycle run, no charting no temping, and indulge those who have been telling me to relax, stop overthinking everything, and just have fun trying. (Because relaxing is EXACTLY how you get KTFU). CD 11 rolls around and I have EWCM like I have never seen before in my life, and ov pain etc etc. This continues through CD 17, then back to usual. In the last 2 months I have O’d around CD22, however with the wacky lengths and such, Im pretty sure my body is still adjusting. Now it is CD 19 and I am very crampy/testy/craving sweets etc etc and guess what?! I HAVE NO IDEA WTH IS GOING ON! Which for a control freak like me…this is not okay. Fingers crossed this is THE cycle, but if not, guess who will be back on FF in no time.