Nov. 20th, 2008. I didn't quite believe the first one, or two, or three tests. We had been praying for you Dawson for a little over 6 mos, even though so few knew we were trying. I immediately started crying and called Ryan, who didn't believe it either. I had all these visions in my head about how I would be patient and wait until we got home from work so I could tell him in person, but I couldn't do it! We were so excited. Thanksgiving 2008 was one week later, and by the end of that day the whole family knew. That day everyone began sharing in the excitement, and making their guesses as to your gender. I felt all along you would be a boy, even though everyone else was so sure you were a girl! All of the women even went through and did the Chinese gender charts to confirm their accuracy, with a 100% success rate in our family. But my charts said girl...I broke the statistic =)
Christmas 2008 (Ignore Ryan's doofy expression please!) We opened our first gift for you Dawson...Huggies!!=) We were already so excited knowing that you were with us! I bought Ryan a onsie to open that says "My dad is cooler than your dad" and we just kept talking about how different Christmas 2009 would be with a 5 month old.
The winter came and went, and while the snow came down, my blood pressure went up up and up. The dr.'s kept telling me there was nothing to worry about, but now I cannot get those numbers out of my head and wondering "what if".
Then, after what felt like a million years, March arrived and our 20 week milestone came with it, and we finally got to have our ultrasound. And it confirmed what mom always knew...there was a little something between those legs!
Even then you were tiny Dawson, but the Dr's did not share their concerns with mama. But mama did as she always does, and I couldn't help but google. And I figured out all on my own you were on the small side. At my next appointment, I asked and asked and Dr. Zink confirmed what I already knew. My blood pressure was getting to high to fast, and you were to small for your age. They wanted to start seeing mom every 2 weeks. I was nervous, but they assured me it would be fine. One week later I was back for my checkup, and we seen a different Dr., Dr. Ferrick. She seemed unconcerned about my blood pressure, and explained that she felt a "High BP" diagnosis was unnecessary.
2 weeks later, I landed myself in L&D with ankles the size of 2 liter bottles and BP that was through the roof. After 2 hours of monitoring, They felt everything was okay and sent me home. 1 Week later I was seen again by Dr. F, who still felt that my BP was nothing to worry about, and that my anxiety and the other Ob's concerns were unwarranted. That appt was March 31st.
7 days later, "inexplicably" Dawson arrived. That day was filled with so much pain, fear, worry, so many tears were shed and I couldn't get a hold of my emotions. Our firstborn was amazing, and beautiful, with arms the size of my index finger and so much strength already. He fought so hard for us. This little peanut of a boy chose us, and was fighting for us. To this day, his courage amazes me and brings me strength. The next 3 months were the hardest fight any of us ever experienced. Ryan and I fought to stay positive and faithful, and Dawson was so determined to make it home with us. He is truly an amazing, strong willed little boy.
We have come out of this experience stronger individuals, and more importantly, a stronger family. We are so thankful to have been blessed with such an amazing son, and a God who has protected him and helped him fight the most important fight of his life. This year we are Thankful for so much, and while we are grateful, we will never quite forget the path and sacrifices that brought us here. We will never forget the support that surrounded us, the prayers that were murmured all over the world for our Dawson. There are days where I still feel as if I will be swallowed by my sadness and the fear that is still very real for me. I fear that my son will never see things the way we do, or run the length of a football/soccer/baseball field. I fear that we may see the inner walls of a hospital much to soon, as flu season has begun. I worry that my little boy will be teased for whatever setback his prematurity may have left on his little body, for unfortunately this is a disease that he may, or may not grow out of. As of now, he is a feisty little fighter, who brightens my day every morning, and makes me appreciate the smallest of coos and hugs and snuggles. He is my life, the very center of my world. WE are so thankful.
( I will have more Thanksgiving day photos later, for I felt this post needed to come first. )
And while I was one of the few that did not post this on Nov. 17th, I am going to add a little plug in here. Prematurity is very real, and far to common. Half a million babies each year are born too soon, devastating families all over the world. I have showed you what prematurity means to me, but each story is different. Please help us in the fight against prematurity, be a hero for the tiniest of babies. Please visit www.marchofdimes.com to see how you can help. MI READERS- April 24, 2010 is the Capital City March for Babies. Please contact me if you are interested in joining Dawson's fight with Team TNT...Tiny N Tough!
